This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
