I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
