So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
