Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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