now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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