She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
