This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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