he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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