i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
