he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
