If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
