its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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