dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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