You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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