drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no, he came in my armpit
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
