currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
