these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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