i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
