I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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