UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
