9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
