i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
