my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
