drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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