there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
