Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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