Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
