i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
