Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
