Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
