I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
