I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
third nipple confirmed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
