I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
