Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Help. Why am I so naked?
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