An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
