Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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