I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
