Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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