Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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