i just had sex bonerless
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
