i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
