New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
