is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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