He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Text me some of your sweat
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
