I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
