We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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