Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
