I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
