I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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