OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
